Affirmations from a bullied girl

... and for the bully too.

There’s a lot of shit I’ve learned from my kids.

This valentine was from my daughter, Tati, who has the innate gift of giving affirmations to others.

That’s something I need… something we all need.

I’m kinda tired this morning, because last night I was awake spinning about the bully who threatened to beat Tati up at the school. And the way it was handled.

And the way I handled the way it was handled.

Folx, mama bear syndrome is real. But it isn’t just about my kid.

I am strong.

Want to know how I found out that the call I received from the administrator about Tati being involved in an “incident” was really Tati being terrorized?

When my 13 yo girl came home to talk to me, she balled up on my lap and bawled her eyes out.

She’d bawled in school too. Because she'd been harassed. She’d been stalked. She’d been threatened with violence. And the response from her “protectors” at school was to ask her to go into “mediation” with the other student, to “work it out.”

Imagine if we asked assault victims to chat it up with their abusers so they could “work it out”?

I am kind.

I have no doubt that, in the wake of the pandemic, our school teachers, administrators, counselors are being pummeled with the impact its mental health crisis. And I feel for them as they make their way through it.

That does not excuse trained administrators blatantly excusing abuse toward other students.

Or the continuing reality that schoolteachers, SROs, counselors and administrators are not trained to understand or recognize early childhood trauma and neglect, and how it impacts the mental health of marginalized kiddos.

Not all kids show up to school fed, loved, and rested. Those kids act out.

I attract positivity.

My daughter is tough. She is loved, fed, rested, and has a deep well of compassion and understanding. She will get through this — just as she got through her 5th grade year between assaulted and groped by a special needs kiddo.

We send our children to school to learn — and they do. They arrive to preschool (if they are privileged) or kindergarten with open hearts. But not all of them are innocent, sweet, blank slates.

As our white, wealthy, privileged American culture continually lies and perpetuates a “criminal” viewpoint of poor POC in this country, all children are impacted. It stunts the growth of our nation.

I am worthy of good things.

It shows us, again and again, who the REAL bullies are.

This is not a story about my daughter. This is not a wish to send a marginalized 8th grade girl to suspension. This is not criticism for these teachers.

This is America showing what it really cares about.

And it isn’t families. It isn’t children. It isn’t teachers. It isn’t schools.