Better than I found it

To know how

i've always found gratitude
awkward -- not the words
but the grind.
"thanks"? -- no problem
cranking out a blessing ritual?
how? 
i'm lazy aren't i?
just like all those other
terrible folks these days
want sh*t handed to 'em
expect it
thanks
she says with a drip of sarcasm
i'm supposed to know 
how to be grateful
how to give more than I take
how to leave this place
better than I found it?

i don't know how to do anything.
i'm crawling along,
blindfolded, 
bloodied knees.
i hear there are folks
who have it harder than me --
suck it up buttercup
rub some dirt in it
be grateful for what you have
thanks

a mourning dove tries again
and again to get closer --
she's looking for shade, for
respite on the porch fan.
go on git get outta here
i holler at her 
she gits, some, watching me 
from the hot stone fence.

i hear there are folks
who have it harder than me --
i'm supposed to know 
how to be grateful.
the bird flaps at me 
again, a warning: 
go on, git, she says.
there's no shade.
thanks, I say, and 
give in. go in.
i don't know how to do anything.
i'm supposed to know
how to leave this place
better than I found it.

---

It’s April 5th. Here’s another poem, for NaPoWriMo - National Poetry Writing Month.

I feel often completely hopeless when it comes to the Earth and how to solve the problems humans have created. Being in Nature is a balm to the soul, but it can also be a harsh reminder.

Thanks for reading!