There'll Never Be Another 2023
One day a week is not enough to hold these girls
There’ll never be another 2023, the year these girls graduate.
There’s a thing parents do on social media called “Senior Sunday” where they share pics of their seniors on Facebook etc. Neither Colin nor I have been very successful at that tradition this year.
So here’s a little catch up. I promise you it will not be complete. Not even close. You get what you get and feel free to get upset.
In March of 2009, when we first met them, Kiki and Aniah were virtually identical. Except that one of them had a little scab on their nose.
I am sure that parents with identical twins from birth have some system for keeping track of which was who. We were fortunate that ours talked right from the start. Kiki more than Aniah.
That we noticed rather quickly that Aniah has a dimple on her left cheek when she smiles. That the shape of Kiki’s face was a little rounder. That they had different haircuts!
Isaiah’s solution was pretty simple for a four year old. They were both quite simply “Kiki.” (-;
But, it’s important to note — should you ever plan to have twins or meet twins or teach twins, or have them in your family or friend group — they are not the same person 🤣😂🤣.
I know this shouldn’t have to be noted, but regardless of how they may be treated by individuals “many twins struggle to cultivate their own identities, while being so similar to one another. And that struggle lasts a lifetime, according to a recent study.”
One of the things I was really cognizant about with Aniah and Kiki early on was how identity was going to rear its head for them. We rarely (if ever) dressed them the same. After pre-school they did not share a single class until this year. They are in the same Algebra class.
For me, I had a strong memory I had about twins from my high school class: Lisa and Lori Arguello. They were wonderful young women, but were constantly being labeled as “the nice one,” “the smart one” and “the pretty one.”
It bothered me for them, though. I remember Lisa telling me once with her signature smile that they were both pretty used it.
That’s a terrific (and tbh, very Gen X!) attitude to have about things you can’t control, I think. Because twins just gotta deal with it. Forevs. Meanwhile we parents of twins do what we can to help.
One thing you learn about parenting is that even when you think they aren’t, kids are listening.
So having a script is a really good idea. The script I told the twins from early on was “Being a twin is something really special. You will always have a best friend — you will always have someone there for you.”
This year the twins got their own rooms for the first time.
It’s been a terrific experience of self-discovery for them during their senior year — before they head off to college to start sharing rooms with roommates outside their family.
They’ve been doing a lot of what teen age girls do: try on makeup. (Did you know contouring is such a big thing?)
Anyway, Kiki’s gotten really good at it. And she also has an incredibly intricate face care routine before bed. She can often be seen Facetiming with a shirtless boy while doing some kind of rolling on her face. These girls take great care of their skin!
Aniah has also happily taken charge of our bearded dragon, Eddie (female). She gave Eddie a bath recently that caused the beardie to literally grin from earhole to earhole. If I find the photo, I’ll add it.
The literal best thing about having Kiki and Aniah in your life is everything. I suppose I could be biased, since I am their mom, but dang these are amazing soon-to-adulties. Sure they argue. Sure they are very currently very teenager-y.
But they are also extremely enjoyable humans.
Kiki is brilliant. She tries hard to hide it, but she there’s no helping it. She’s always two steps ahead. You never know what will come up in a conversation with her. Is it because she played the violin since third grade (taking a break this year)? Or because her art skills cannot be stopped?
Who knows. She has had the most compassionate and mindful nature.
Did you know that Aniah was born first? I personally wasn’t there for the event, but that’s what the birth certificate tells us.
But you don’t need to know that fact to feel the weight of it. When she first came to live with us, she was quiet. She had to get the lay of the land, to take it all in. (No wonder Isaiah called them both Kiki!) She let Kiki take the lead and take care of business. They were very yin and yang.
Then one day, when we were at church at UUCGB, member Al Post was stood up behind our family, sharing a “Joy” during Joys and Concerns.
Al said something and everyone in the church laughed. Aniah was AMAZED. She looked around and back at Al, and at us.
A person could say a thing, and people would erupt with laughter and happiness?
Aniah probably did have her “embarrassed” years — but mostly she just loves to laugh and to make others laugh too.
(Quick aside — before I go further here. I have to be prudent about how many words I spend on one or the other, separately. Should they either of them read this, they’ll probably perceive I’ve written more and better about other other. That this photo rather than that makes the other twin look better.)
All kids need their “alone” time with mom or dad. It’s one of those parenting tips they give nowadays that our own parents (with 6+ kids) would have just laughed and laughed and laughed about.
When the kids were little, we had a reward system in place where the kids did something really well (chores, schoolwork, being good to siblings, neighbors, etc), they got to pick a “prize” from the hat.
The hat was a felt fedora that previously belonged to my mom’s Dad. The prizes were written on paper and were things like “jump up and down on mom and dad’s bed” or “choose supper”.
One time Kiki got “Special Dinner with Dad” — a slip that had not been selected before! It was a really good one! The best one I think!
So, Colin and Kiki both got dressed up and Colin took Kiki out for dinner at a classic family Italian restaurant across the river in Devon, CT. Kiki and Colin shared, for the first time ever, a Hawaiian pizza!
She was queen for the evening!
Sometimes I will ask the kids about a particular event in the past and they will say: I don’t remember that! Why would I? It was forever ago!
Kiki probably doesn’t exactly remember that evening, but Hawaiian pizza has continued to be a special thing between she and Colin.
By the way, I am amazed at the capacity of my own old brain to recall such little stories. Colin can remember even more! Just ask him!
It’s time to wrap this Senior Sunday up as I’m nearing the “email length limit” … This has been an untamed meandering that needs lots of editing.
Looking back, looking forward — it’s not an easy job for a parent in one sitting.
If you’ve made it this far, drop some good words of advice for Aniah and Kiki in the comments as they wrap up their childhood, and start making their own way in the world.
Other people are a lot more worried about how comfy their knickers are than what you look like (unless they fancy you that is).
PS. Thanks to Amy Guth on Subtack who sends the best writing prompts to inboxes daily. Today was from you! https://guth.substack.com/p/not-pictured-all-this-other-stuff/